Don’t trust spiders. Just don’t. They may look innocent, but their motives are completely inscrutable. One minute they’re there in front of you, the next they’ve scurried off somewhere. Maybe under your bed. Maybe into the toaster. Or maybe they have slipped between the folds in time and space and appeared in some alternate reality where a single step could have ripple effects that cause the whole sum of all realities to collapse together, resulting in a chaotic jumble of mixed possibilities and bashed-together physical laws.

Maybe they just went for a snack or something. Don’t know, but you can’t trust spiders, because you never know where they are. Even if you’re staring straight at them, you can’t be completely certain that they’re not actually someplace else. The whole “slipping between folds in reality” thing, remember?

Who can tell what so many eyes see? If two eyes see in three dimensions, how many dimensions can eight eyes see? What do the spiders anticipate that mere mortals like us cannot?

Of course, flies have more, so their purposes are even more inscrutable. The only good thing we can be (relatively) certain that spiders do is eat flies. However, this also means that spider webs apparently have a way of fooling beings of higher dimensions, which should be rather concerning, frankly.

Yet in spite of all their powers, even spiders cannot truly be in two places at once. Can they?

Can they?!

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