The universe runs on a microprocessor.

How do I know this? Well, allow me to explain. You see, there was a phenomenon so great, so grand, and so extraordinarily heavy to process that the universe’s processing capabilities were taxed by its very existence. What was this phenomenon? What could be so massively complex and grand so as to halt even the universe’s resources? Well, I’ll tell you.

Deity, omniscient almighty deity, had a uniquely and universally new idea.

Now, one may ask why this should be something so grand. A god, being all powerful, should surely be able to accomplish this, you think. Why should this be an issue then?

You should know that nothing is original. The fact that deity is omniscient means that there is no original knowledge for him. There is only eternal truth, and he knows all of it. If one were to create new eternal truth, one creates a paradox that simply is not possible, not even (or perhaps especially) on a cosmic scale. The term itself is a paradox, seeing as how ‘eternal’ implies that it has always existed and always will exist, and ‘new’ implies no previous existence whatsoever. Thus, such a thing is impossible.

Or so we thought. We did not know it when it happened, but some deity somewhere had a completely original idea. He invented a new eternal truth. Now, we might think that this would have simply altered the way the universe would have functioned. All history and all reality would have been forever changed to match the new eternal reality created. However, that did not occur. Instead, whatever processes maintain the flows of the temporal fibers that compose time and space were overloaded. All the universe, time, space, and matter lagged and finally crashed, much as an overtaxed microprocessor.

Hence, the universe runs, or once ran, on a microprocessor. Now, all is chaos and nothing and everything all at once, which is basically the same as chaos which is basically the same as nothing, or so it once was. Maybe it isn’t anymore. Who knows? No one, at this point . . .

I think . . .