A few months back, I wrote this article. If you haven’t read it, please do so since this article will reference it quite a bit.

That said, I’ll give you a quick summary:

Raising awareness is stupid because it doesn’t actually do anything. Also, don’t get hit in the head. Also also, be nice to people.

That about sums it up. But seriously. Go back and read it.

Today, I’m going to pose a counterpoint. Raising awareness is actually quite important, especially when it comes to setting a correct course of action. The examples we’ll be looking at today deal with everyday interactions you might have with others. The principles here can be applied to larger social issues, but that will be discussed in a later article.

Helping Stupidly – Example 1: An Old Man

Suppose you see an old man scooting along with his walker at a grocery store. He has a shopping basket cunningly attached to the front of his walker, and he’s making slow-yet-steady progress through the aisles.

As you walk past him, you notice that his grocery list is only seven items long. He’s got one down, and that was after a long struggle to reach a higher shelf. He managed it though, and now he’s S-L-O-O-O-O-W-L-Y making his way to the next item.

Now, you might think the right thing to do would be to quickly rush around the store, grab the items he needs, and dump them into his cart, which you then carry for him to checkout, asking him about his health all the while. After all, he’s struggling, isn’t he? Think of all the time and hassle you’ll save him as you do this menial task for him!

Believe it or not, that may not actually be the best course. You’re running on the assumption that he’s inconvenienced by all this, but that assumption may not be correct.

How is that so?

Helping Stupidly – Example 2: Downs

Before I answer that question, I’m going to tell you a real-life story. There’s a good friend of mine who has Downs syndrome. It’s one of those conditions that’s very visible, and when people have visible conditions, it’s easy to want to help them with anything possible.

The thing is, people would do things for him that he really didn’t want them to. You could tell by looking at his face that he was just kind of resigned to it, but didn’t actually appreciate it.

For instance, once we were playing candy poker (like regular poker, except no one really cares and you can eat your winnings), and at the end of the game, someone (naturally) won. Nevertheless, one member of the group said something to the effect of, “But we all know that so-and-so is the REAL winner,” and shoved all the winnings over in front of our Downs-syndrome friend.

Sure, he was trying to be nice to someone who was rather disadvantaged in this situation. But it was also extraordinarily insulting. Yes, he needed extra help to play the game, but that didn’t mean he wanted a meritless, false victory. No one wants that, deep down, and it undermines the nobility of the human spirit to force it upon someone.

If I recall correctly, he actually left most of his “winnings.” A meritless victory (surprise!) has no merit.

It is an insult to a person’s capability to treat them like they are wholly incapable. So too is it an insult to be condescending to someone who appears to be disadvantaged. If you treat someone like they’ll fall apart if you happen to beat them at something, you ultimately treat them like a lesser being rather than an equal.

Giving Informed Help

Let’s go back to our elderly friend. If you feel any need to help him, good on you, but you need to ask permission first.

“But,” you protest, “if I ask permission, he might say he doesn’t need help when clearly he does! What then?”

There are two possibilities. One is that he doesn’t want to impose on you. In that case, it’s a matter of his own selfish pride (which  may be the subject of a future article).

The other is that he really, truly, does not want your help, nor does he feel any real need for it.

For all you know, he may have been housebound for the last month or two recovering from his hip surgery. Until that surgery, he was a spry, independent fellow who took pride in his ability to do all sorts of things without outside help. Sure, he’d occasionally ask for a helping hand whenever he had a two-person job in front of him, but for the most part, he was very capable of handling things on his own.

Then his accident hit. All of a sudden, he was relying on everyone else’s help. Even when he’d refuse assistance, it would be foisted upon him (perhaps rightfully too, in some contexts).

But right now, he finally has a shred of independence. He gave his daughter a severe tongue lashing to keep her from coming into the store with him. He almost tried driving here himself, but his daughter wouldn’t budge on that one. But damned if he didn’t do his own grocery shopping!

If you’d gone and gathered his groceries without his consent, he’d have been liable to throw them back in your face. The better option here is to ask if he would like help, and then accept whatever answer he gives you. If that’s “no,” then so be it.

Action Without Information

So, yes, taking action without being adequately aware of what’s actually needed can be just as stupid as raising awareness without any call to action whatsoever. There needs to be a balance between the two.

Otherwise, you get a can of peas thrown in your face.

Comments? Scathing condemnations? Let me know in the comments! Also, if you want to support The Astral Wanderer, you can do so by liking/sharing this post or by becoming a Patron. All proceeds go toward helping the elderly find increased independence by giving them jetpacks. Really.