Disasters are peculiar in that they can happen regardless of how well you plan everything. A slight instance of poor timing or misjudgment could spell certain doom for yourself or others, all without the least bit of effort.
But what if you want to create a disaster on purpose? The funny thing about that is if you don’t plan things right, you won’t get a disaster at all. Things need to go wrong for a disaster to occur, and there are many forces in this world that do their best to keep that from happening.
The key is careful planning.
So what is the best recipe for disaster? The truth is, there’s no one best way to create a catastrophe. There are many recipes, and each of them has its own flavor, scale, and applications. Some are best for parties or small family gatherings. Others are better for professional or corporate environments. And still others can have ramifications that impact the global community as a whole.
In this article, I’ll share a recipe for disaster that’s purely local. The potential for destructiveness is comparatively limited, but it’s still significant within its context.
For this particular brand of disaster, you’ll need:
- One set of acrylic paints. They don’t have to be fancy, but it makes it all the more disastrous if they are.
- A pound of glitter. All true disasters involve glitter.
- They may or may not be used in this particular recipe, but it’s good to have them around since they could facilitate the process.
- Six cats. Really, the more you have, the better, but you should have at least six.
- A pound of lard.
- One rambunctious toddler.
- A maid (optional, but a maid will make things interesting).
Preparation:
- Place the ingredients in the same room and leave them unsupervised for a half hour (twice that if you have a maid).
That’s really all there is to it. When you come back, you should find the room, cats, toddler, brushes, and all your furniture covered in paint and glitter. The more cats you have, the more paint and glitter will get on everything else. That, and the yowling will add to the overall sense of chaos in your home.
In addition, the toddler him/herself will be covered in lard. This will keep the maid from interrupting the disaster process since she won’t be able to get a solid grip on your grease-covered catalyst. She’ll still try though, and that could lead to all sorts of hilarious destructive consequences on its own.
The end result is a giant mess, a disgruntled maid, several angry paint-covered cats hiding goodness knows where (like maybe the pantry?), and one very happy toddler who has no idea how many gray hairs he/she has just caused you.
Complete disaster, and ready in only thirty minutes!
What do you think? What are your favorite recipes for disaster? Let me know in the comments! Also, be sure to share this with your friends. All proceeds go toward hiring a new maid after that one catastrophe involving the paint and glitter. Really.